I've come to realise something; I can only be killed by the mundane.
I say "only." Clearly, I can die by the hand of many a mortal affliction. I'm merely making a point.
To give you a better picture, allow me to describe myself to you (or at least the version of me I see myself to be at present - but let's not open that can of esoteric worms): I am incredibly driven. When I have a set goal in mind, nothing will stand in my way of achieving it. During this time of clarity and focus, I feel strong, healthy, confident and I am all but bursting with fruit flavour. My positivity and unwillingness to give up or give in urges me to continue. It's my upward spiral of success. Feel good. Do good. Inspire greatness.
However, I've currently been lolling about on the the flip-side, and I don't mean that in the outward expression of happiness kind of way. I've been lazy. I found my nice, warm corner of comfort and became distracted by it. Hiding under the covers, safe and sound, I had plenty of time to get lost inside my head. Thinking of all that could be, if only The Universe provided me with the opportunity to do so, I started to fester in negativity. I became stagnant. Every thought was in a state of hesitation, static and stunted growth. I felt the friction of anxiety wearing a hole within me, but I still did nothing about it.
I lost touch with the woman I have been growing into over the last twelve months. I started to see that I was gaining weight, felt sluggish, willing to eat food I would never usually eat, slacked off on the exercise, and I was no longer able to tap into my creativity as readily as I once could. I had lost my motivation for life. This had to change... fast.
This comfort zone needs to be destroyed. I accomplish nothing while I am here, and how am I meant to fulfil my life's purpose if I can't even get off the couch? I decided to take this year off from my studies, so I could heal, grow and take stock of what I have done and how far I have come. Well, after six months, I am finally doing that. I have spent the first half of the year doing all the things I felt I needed to do in order to become the person I am meant to be emotionally, physically, psychologically and spiritually, not realising how far from Earth I have travelled. Although I don't believe this time to be wasted, on the contrary, but I now know I have been delaying the inevitable.
I am, once again, putting myself in situations that will promote growth and activity. Forcing myself out of this place of softness, beige and boring. Bring on the hard lines, clear shapes and vivid colour! Let's invigorate this life with a bit of excitement! Give me a pair of scissors to run with! (Please don't. Safety first and all.) Grounding myself in the present is vital for my future. What do I want? What can I give? What do I have? I have accumulated so many skills that can be utilised right now. So, I'm going to get off my arse and start being the person I want to be. By putting these cogs in motion now, I am giving my future-self an opportunity to look back on this moment and be proud of me. What a notion! To look back on one's past and be proud of the person who created your current state of living.
I like that.